CODE RED! INCOMING SNOW!

CODE RED! INCOMING SNOW!

By Zahava Englard

Published in blogs.timesofisrael.com

With Iran gearing up to nuke Israel into oblivion, one would think that such news would raise a measure of panic, perhaps even a smidgen of ire among the Israeli population. But, no. Pay no mind to what you read in the news. No one is even talking about it. Forget about panicking, hardly an eyebrow is raised. The people on the street are either bored with the entire subject or the more spiritual among us figure it's all in God's hands anyway, so why lose sleep over it.

Then again, should one wish to see real hardcore panic on the streets of Israel, just mention an impending snowfall and that'll get it going. Never mind that we have enemies surrounding us on all borders armed to the teeth with state of the art ballistic chemically tipped missiles. Forget that we live under a constant shadow of existential threat. And why waste time pondering over the full extent of the whipping winds from the Arab “Spring” that we have yet to experience? Snow is coming.

In fact, while on my weekly excursion to the Rami Levi supermarket the other day, I was met with extraordinarily long lines and frantic shoppers pushing and shoving their way through the aisles. One could argue that this was just another regular day at the market, but I immediately discerned that something was different. An overwhelming sense of foreboding permeated the air. Shelves that stocked water bottles and canned goods were totally cleared out, and not a slice of bread could be had. I squeezed my way through a treacherous gridlock of shopping carts making haste toward the butcher at the back of the store and found an overly hyper animated crowd clamoring for service. By the time it was my turn to order, there wasn’t a chicken left. I didn’t know what to make of this scene of panic. But then it hit me. Of course!  The news this morning opened with a forecast for snow! That’s right, the flurry of commotion was due to a forecast for two and half centimeters of snow. In other words, one inch.

Caught up in the frenzy, I scored a major coup grabbing the last flashlight and after nearly three hours, I finally made it out of the supermarket thankful to once again see blessed daylight. I passed a local shoe store and noticed a sign advertising a special last minute deal before the "storm," offering a 2 for 1 snow boot sale. Several weeks before, there was also a snow forecast, which turned out to be a false alarm, yet there were reports of serious shortages of gloves and scarves from the Golan down to the Judean hills. Mt. Hermon − yes, the ski resort, was closed − due to the snow.

In the six years that I’ve been living in Israel, I’ve seen snow twice. The first year here, when the accumulation reached a soaring two inches, and last year when a “major snowstorm” amounted to nothing more than 15 minutes of fame. Nevertheless, a "snow-day" was officially declared, schools had closed, and the local kids rushed outside with their makeshift sleds to coast down what amounted to very rocky hills with barely a hint of white fluff to cushion the ride. In each of these blizzards, as a precautionary measure, major arteries of roadways had been closed off to vehicles − due to the “snow.”

And so, it seems that once again, word has it that another perilous inch of snow is anticipated. As one might expect, earnest vigilance is imperative. Jerusalem City Hall has been gearing up with emergency crews ready to whip out the salt at a moment’s notice, as well as increasing the staff at emergency centers to man the influx of calls. All households are buttressing appliances with surge protectors and military helicopters are at their ready to search for stranded souls. 

Nukes? That's a walk in the park. After this weekend's battle in braving the elements, Israel will be ready for anything.